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Long Lost

There are some people that remember their first memory, the very first memory of their awareness of life.

I cannot.

As much as I try to remember what was my first memory, I can't think of anything, surely there are some, but I'm not sure which one is the first.

I can't even think who was my first friend, I can't remember their faces or names. Maybe for a period of time I didn't care about it so they got vanished ? Maybe, but there must be something, it shouldn't just disappear.

What was the first line of code that I wrote ? or even the first project I've done.

Who was my first boxing partner ?

It seems to me, most of the things just got vanished somehow from my memory.

They're not there, it's just a void.

It's not that I always start thinking about such things or what was first, no.

I am sure there a lot more things that I don't even think about them. Many other subjects and things that I've forgotten.

The thing that annoys me the most is that, I may have some dreams, some thoughts or something that I wanted to achieve and earn but now I can't remember.

How many things I've lost along the way and how they could effect me. Maybe I got distracted or disappointed and let them go.

I don't know, sometimes it's just sad that you lost something and you can't even remember what you have lost.

I can think of another possibility that there was nothing there in the first place, but it's hard to believe that.

Maybe, your life becomes so empty that you want to believe someday not long ago you had something to live for, but I'm not sure if that's me .

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Alireza Savand • 2019 Aug 16

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